Fingers of a Pianist
by Blessism
Summary: He has the fingers of a pianist. Soft against the keys he expertly plays, and tight around the people he loves the most. Tight because he'll let go in a matter of time. Set after Tamaki announces he will disband the Host Club. COMPLETE.


_**a/n:** There are not enough Tamaki and Haruhi fanfics, and there's not much angst written in this fandom, so I took the liberty upon myself to make this small contribution. I have an unhealthy obsession with TamaHaru ever since I finished binging the anime. Anyway, I recommend a OHSHC soundtrack, specifically _Nocturne pour Tamaki_, an all time favourite of mine. Hope you enjoy!_

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**Fingers of a Pianist**

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. All rights go to Bisco Hatori.

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_He has the fingers of a pianist. Soft against the keys he expertly plays, and tight around the people he loves the most._

_Tight because he'll let go in a matter of time._

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Tamaki learned to play the piano at a young age, despite being in poverty. He had a strict instructor, but she found out the young boy was quick to learn. She fancied him, as he was a striking young lad. Many people thought he was a peculiar young man who resembled his beautiful mother, yet had the Japanese features of his prosperous father. His father's side reviled him and disapproved of his passion for the piano which made other people shed tears. He always grinned, saying tears were a form of speech, there was nothing to be ashamed about.

"Tamaki, play the piano for me." Requested his mother in a silky tone.

He obeyed, perching on the stool in front of the piano and taking a deep breath before beginning to move his fingers flawlessly. Only for his mother. He never knew there'd be another important person in his life, waiting for him to play with such longing. When he heard the melody created by his fingers, he would forget about his family name Suoh. It was a hollow title; he was a dreamer, not a follower. This wild spirit of his is what Anne-Sophie came to love about him. While he played, his mother smiled. She was perhaps the only person who listened without crying. It was her little boy she loved. Not the Tamaki Suoh heir to the Suoh enterprise, not the pretty boy, just her son.

When he finished, he bowed and left her room to help around the house. He didn't mind helping around, especially when his mother's condition only got worse. He would especially try to keep her room clean, afraid the fragile women could be prone to disease if there were a speck of dust.

He stopped washing the dishes when he heard loud coughing and rushed to Sophie-Anne's side. She spat out blood, clutching her stomach as they couldn't even afford a visit to the doctor.

"Mother! Do you want me to find somebody to help? You need to rest, I'll take you to your bedroom." He carried his mother, despite being her size. Slowly, he reached her tiny bedroom and laid her down on her bed.

His mother weakly smiled as Tamaki pulled the thin sheets to her. He rummaged through a closet to find a thicker blanket, as the days were getting colder. Snow, he hated it because that's how Anne-Sophie's health started declining.

She rasped, "Tamaki, you're a very nice boy. Promise me you'll treat everyone with the same love and respect, even after I die."

He tried avoiding his unwelcome tears. The young boy was sensitive for his age, empathetic and understanding. "Don't say that, you'll stay with me, won't you?"

He expected the reassuring nod. But she slowly shook her head, cupping her son's cheek. "No, my dear. As much as I want to be with you, I'll be gone one day. I'm sorry you have to spend your days like this, taking care of me. You never hang out with the kids from your school, all you do is study and look after the house. It must hurt you, huh?"

Tamaki he was oblivious to the truth. He always was, when it came to his feelings or his living conditions. He'd be optimistic about everything, which was supposedly a weakness.

"You're wrong! Parents are a blessing, I would rather spend my last days with you than my friends. Besides, I don't really have anyone to hang out with. So I don't mind." Tamaki expected very little from anyone, especially when it came to his friends. He was a boy who ceaselessly gave and got nothing in return.

"I can see through you, Tamaki. You'll only suffer if you stay with me. The days get lonely the more I get sick, so I apologize for everything."

Slowly, he moved her arms into her lap, resting peacefully. He smiled brightly, "Mother, you mean the world to me. I would never abandon you."

She returned the gesture, admiring the way Tamaki never gave up. He was a fighter, a remedy for those who felt isolated.

He padded his feet towards the kitchen, grabbing a teapot from the cabinet under the sink. He stopped in his tracks when he heard an unfamiliar ring of the doorbell. Tamaki furrowed his eyebrows in confusion; it was seldom for anyone to approach their doorstep. He was thrilled to meet the person, so he rushed to the door, only to reveal an old woman related to him. She mustered up the nastiest look and threw it at him.

He warmly greeted her, extending the door. "Welcome, grandmother. Please come in."

After grunting, she held her head high and followed Tamaki inside. He ushered her to sit on a worn out leather couch. One. Two. Three. Her heels were loud against the cold floor, every step dreadful yet graceful.

One. Two. Three. His heart was beating like the clock was ticking.

"Where's your mother?" she asked, more politely than he expected. He lowered his gaze, not daring to meet her eye to eye. Just like Anne-Sophie taught him.

"Please, let me take you to her. My mother's health is in bad shape these days."

She got off the couch without a word and followed her grandson. She hated him at birth, for he was an illegitimate child. Tamaki was used to her horrible ways and endured everything for the sake of his parents. Just as flowers don't get to choose where they bloom, children don't get to choose their parents. It was always something his mother would say. She'd apologize for bringing him into this unruly world.

He quietly knocked on the door, "Mother, may I come in? I brought an honourable guest with me."

Shizue scoffed at her grandson's attempt to make her happy. She would always hate Tamaki.

A few coughs were heard and the screeching of a bed before she responded, "Of course."

The hinges squeaked as he slowly opened the door.

He stood up straighter and stiffer than usual. Anne-Sophie gasped when she saw the old woman. She got out of her bed and curtly bowed.

Tamaki forced her back to the bed, shaking his head in disapproval. "You mustn't get out of bed. Your health is the number one priority."

Shizue stared at them with cold and calculating eyes. Her hands were occupied with her ruby red purse, clutching it in an old-fashioned manner. "I'm not very concerned with your health. However, I have a proposal to help you, Miss Anne-Sophie."

Her eyes lit up, now Tamaki wouldn't have to stay in the house to help. "Yes?"

"I will provide all the means to help you live a comfortable life. In exchange, Tamaki will come to live with me in Japan. You cannot come with him. I will cut off any form of contact between you two. These terms are non negotiable."

Tamaki gasped in horror, watching his grandmother take her leave. She muttered comments to herself about the disgusting house, with the disgusting child who resided in the inhabitable place.

He turned to his mother, ashamed to face her. "Mother, what do you want me to do?"

"No, Tamaki. This is not my decision to make, it's yours. Do what you want. You're such a selfless boy, it's about time you think about your future. Don't let your talents go to waste."

He rested his head against the mattress. "What talent?"

"Beauty is a talent, my dear."

And so he would achieve his dreams in Japan.

After ten long hours of spending his time in silence with his mother, he took a shaky breath. "I've decided, I'll go."

She silently teared up, afraid of parting from her beautiful child. "Tamaki, can you please play the piano for me? I want to hear it one more time."

He nodded, getting up and sitting on the chair across her bedroom. He played for the last time, his fingers shaking with every movement. He accidentally pressed on a wrong key, ruining his personal performance to his mother.

He slowly retreated his hands, watching them tremble with fear. "I…I'm sorry, mother. I'll start from the top-"

"No, I've heard more than enough. Thank you, my precious son."

He hurriedly left her room, afraid of crying. He smiled instead, creating this happy-go-lucky personality so he could hide his weaknesses. He was no longer the boy who played the piano for his mother. He became Tamaki Suoh, the next head of the Suoh family.

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Tamaki was in the music room, sitting on the stool, unwilling to play the piano. It only brought memories of his mother again. But wasn't that a good thing? He was going to see her again. After years of not meeting her, he finally got the chance. So why was he so keen on staying here? Memories, especially with Haruhi came back as he finally reflected on his years in the club.

The door creaked open. He was afraid it would be Éclair, because he never liked her. He was curious why she was so insistent on marrying him.

"Tamaki Senpai?"

His eyes widened and Tamaki searched for the voice. There stood Haruhi, in the uniform he requested her to change into hours earlier.

"Haruhi, what are you doing here?"

"You look depressed all alone, what's going on?"

He stared out of the window, watching as many people gathered around for the yearly fair. Children held hands with their parents and laughed as they goofed off. He wished for that kind of childhood, one he could never have. "If you had the chance to see your mother again, would you?"

"Of course I would! What kind of question is that?"

"A foolish one, I suppose."

She immediately felt sorry, he was genuinely upset. Not the kind where he'd go father mode, but when he'd be unsure of who he was. "Senpai, did Miss Éclair say something that's been bothering you?"

"No, nothing at all."

"Which is why you announced your engagement at such a bad time! Why do you want to dissolve the Host Club? I love it, everyone does. How can you be so selfish!?"

He turned his back towards her. "It's not selfish at all. I'm sorry for being such a jerk, Haruhi. I dragged you into this mess just so you could pay off your debt. There was no need for me to drag you into this ludicrous idea, but I did because I was being selfish. Forgive me. You wanted to become a lawyer, did you not?"

"But this doesn't have to do anything with that! I know I said a lot of things about this club, but I was joking. I love being here, why can't you understand that?"

"Kyoya got slapped because of me. I cannot humiliate him anymore." He recalled his childhood before continuing, "When I was a child, I wanted to travel around Japan with him. I didn't realize until later that I was too demanding of him. This hyper person in the Host Club is not the real me."

"But you changed them all for the better. You're the reason all of us are here together. Tamaki, your lively attitude is something that changed our lives."

"How so? I've only done harm to everyone."

"You could distinguish Hikaru and Kaoru, even though they were a puzzle. You helped Kyoya Senpai by reminding him of how talented of a person he really is. There's also Mori and Haninozuka Senpai. Without you, they wouldn't have discovered happiness. Even other people we've encountered, despite only meeting them for a few minutes, you understood them completely."

He harshly responded with a quiet voice, "I'm not a helpful person, that's not the real me."

"If that's what you claim, then please take the time and show me the real you so I can understand you better."

Tamaki's fingers shook again, this time with even greater tremor than when he played for his mother. He prepared the play the piano for her to the best of his ability. "Forgive me if I mess up this time."

He pressed down on one key, then another harder than he should've. Perhaps the keys would stop functioning because of how firmly he pressed on them. But he continued for Haruhi, to avow his love for her by speaking through the piano.

She sat down on the couch adjacent to him, attentively observing the way he was himself. His eyes were closed, and he smiled despite knowing better. Internally though, his heart shattered in a million pieces.

Haruhi wished nobody else could hear the piano except for her, like how he'd play the lovely melody for Anne-Sophie.

He would see her. soon One. Two. Three. His heart was beating like the clock was ticking.

"Tamaki, the others told me about your past."

He continued playing, but now his fingers faintly pressed down on each key, as if they were fragile like his mother's health. "Oh? I apologize if your living conditions surprised me. I almost forgot I lived in poverty as well. It's just, I didn't want you living the way I did in my younger years. They weren't exactly good memories."

"No, I'm sorry for thinking you were pretentious. I thought you were selfish because you were rich. But now I see how you united all the others together. You played a significant role in their lives, and they're all grateful for you. I'm so glad I got to meet you. You helped me with my fears, and I look up to you. Really, I'm being serious right now." She paused, debating whether to stop him. Would she even influence his decision?

"So please, don't leave!"

He finished the song, eyes slightly swollen. He didn't cry when he was leaving his mother, so why was he crying in front of Haruhi of all people? He got off his seat and sat beside her, embracing her tightly. Hands clutching onto his lover tightly, these were the fingers of a pianist. "Haruhi, I now understand."

He felt the dampness of her tears on his shoulder. "It was never fatherly love I felt for you, never. That's why everyone else said I was foolish and oblivious. Of course I was, and I still am."

"No, no you're not! You're fine just the way you are."

She never lost her cool, not in front of anyone but him. He looked up, afraid of any interruptions. "I was the kind of person who denied the truth, like my mother's potential death. So I claimed to love you like a father because I was oblivious about my feelings." He leaned in closer, feeling a tear roll down his cheek. "I'm in love with you, Haruhi. I get jealous because I want you to be mine. I get overprotective because I don't anyone else to love you the way I do. Why didn't I realize this sooner?"

"Then don't leave!"

She cried her heart out, reiterating, "Tamaki, I won't allow you to leave!"

He smiled, even though he was silently suffering. Only for her sake did he want to stay strong. True, she thought he was sensitive, but he would do everything in his power to protect her. "Will you allow me to see my mother?"

She remained silent, and so he decided to further inquire. "Do you think things would've been different if I confessed to you earlier?"

Haruhi looked up at him, before hiding her face again. She shook her head, knowing she couldn't stop him from seeing his mother. She knew the pain all too well of parting with her mother through the rift of life and death. It was a dull concept in her opinion.

"Would this be a goodbye forever?"

Tamaki sucked in a breath, "Do you believe in life after death?"

She nodded.

"Then we'll be with each other again. I promise."

Her heart hammered, afraid of what her ears perceived. He was not only a pianist, but a poet, a gruesome one. She punched him repetitively in the chest. He didn't retaliate, only watching her with a countenance full of content.

"Why? Why do you have to go?"

Tamaki caught her fists and placed them on her lap, just like he did when his mother was sick. During his time with Haruhi, he learned how important of a person she became in his life. "Can I ask you another question?"

Haruhi stopped, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Do I have a talent, or a purpose?"

"Yes. There's something beautiful about the way you change people's lives. You're like a single star that can light up the world with your happiness."

_Beauty is a talent, my dear._

"I see, so that's what my mother meant. Thank you."

He gave a sincere smile before making his way towards the exit. One. Two. Three. This time Haruhi counted his graceful steps. It was the last time she'd hear them. She was a mess, unable to pretend it was okay for him to leave.

"Do you love me, Haruhi?"

He was at the door of the music room, waiting for her response before he would disappear from her sight forever.

"You were my best friend. You brought all the happiness in the world. So when you leave, you'll be taking all those memories with you. I hate you for taking away my light, Tamaki. I'll never forgive you for this!"

"Yeah, that'd be right. I'm sorry."

In the end, she didn't get a chance to confess her feelings, and he left without a clear answer. Perhaps knowing her feelings would put him at ease. But even if she didn't love him, Tamaki would never give up on her. She was a reason for him to smile, a reason to live.

And when he closed the door, she forgot she ever met a man named Tamaki Suoh, an heir to an enterprise and an illegitimate son. There was only the boy who played the piano with such fervour.

.

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_He has the voice of a pianist. Soft when he speaks to everyone, and harsh when he remembers the injustice the world has done to him. Harsh when he remembers finding his mother dead by the time he reached France._

_His memories are tainted in red, and he tries to find comfort in the foreign country. But he can only scream for one name, of the person he'll never see again._

_Haruhi._


End file.
